People who don't know my past assume I've always been fit or in shape. The truth is I've always been active, but I wouldn't say fit. I was a competitive dancer in high school, started running in college (I say "run" loosely), and starting weight training, but I was in a rut. I wasn't seeing any change. Why? Because I was doing the same thing day in and day out. My nutrition was horrible. I had a terrible self esteem. I told myself I was fat, ugly, or stupid for losing control on the weekends. I was sabotaging myself mentally. Why do we do that to ourselves? I am worth more than that!
The things we say to ourselves will eventually become our truth, even when it's not. The moment I changed my mindset was the moment I had a physical break through. I stopped talking down to myself. I stopped critiquing every little thing I ate and did. I used exercise as a stress reliever not a stressor. I recognized the things I was saying to myself were things I wouldn't want my daughters to say about themselves. I started embracing who God made me to be mind, body, and soul. I accepted my faults (or what I saw as faults) and made the most of them. I started to see food as fuel, not reward. I thought about my health for family. And for my own selfish reasons, I wanted to prove to myself that I could be the best Torie I could be.
Being physically fit is not the end all be all. It doesn't measure your worth. It's the thoughts you have about yourself that will make you or break you. Once you change your mindset is when you will love and accept yourself no matter what your size is. You may even find you take better care of yourself when you have a healthy mindset, and that is when you will have a physical break through.
No, I'm not perfect. Yes, I have horrible days like everyone else, but I don't let them send me into a downward spiral like in the past. I give myself some grace (lots of grace!), trust the Lord's plan for me, and press on.